January | 2014 | Sex + Love

Here is an example of space:

“I think we need to spend a little bit apart from each other and just do our own thing, because frankly, you’re getting on my nerves.”

Here is an example of distance:

“I live in New York, and my boyfriend goes to school in Chicago.”

Sometimes, space is essential in a relationship. You can’t always be all up in your boyfriend/girlfriend’s business (unless you have the patience of a saint and are okay with it). From my experience, space can be a great thing. I was dating a guy who I went to high school with for a little over a year. In the beginning, we would spend every day at school together, then go home and hang out after school till dinner time, and then see each other first thing the next morning. Weekends were always spent together doing some sort of thing, and then the routine would start again on Monday when we went back to school. I was all about my boyfriend at the time, but I had to admit…he was getting annoying. We would fight over petty, stupid stuff and make up and do it all over again. After one ridiculous fight in particular (he was mad because I was late to school, I was mad because he didn’t call to say good morning. Sad, I know), we realized we were getting sick of each other and needed some time apart and to generally stop suffocating each other. In other words, the honeymoon phase was over. We eventually cut back on the weekend activities, the after school dates became more special, and we still walked hand in hand to every class, except this time we didn’t feel like ripping each other’s heads off. Space made our relationship more bearable and made our time together seem more special.

Anyways, we proceeded to break up after that because he cheated on me. Guess I gave him a little too much space.

Now there’s distance. Long distance relationships are hard. They require a lot of hard work, extra communication without feeling suffocated/suffocating, and patience. Honestly, patience is the key. Having been in two serious long distance relationships, I’ve come to realize a few things about them. I’ve grown to find them much more special in certain ways. Being apart from the person you love teaches you how to be a better communicator. It’s important to tell your significant other about your day, how you’re feeling, and most importantly, how you feel about them. Since the physical contact isn’t there as often, the importance of emotional and mental attraction becomes greater. It’s not always about having sex at any given moment because you can. It’s more about letting the other person know that despite the distance, the love and attraction are always there. You don’t end up taking time you have together for granted; instead, you learn to cherish and make the most of it. Sex isn’t just a thing to do because you can, it’s something that becomes much more powerful and exciting and even more loving because you don’t get to have it all the time. You look forward to hearing their voice on the phone or seeing them on Skype or FaceTime when you can. I’ve given more of myself and put more of myself into long distance relationships because it’s not about the petty stuff when you only get to see the person you love for a couple days for weeks at a time. You grow as a person and as a couple in ways that are so much different than in a relationship where you’re together all the time. Don’t get me wrong, being together all the time is great and has its advantages and disadvantages as well. But personally, as trying and as difficult as distance can be, I’ve experienced that they create a bond so much more different and even so much more special than any other relationship I’ve been in before.