The green eyed monster

Jealousy is a dangerous thing, yet I’ve heard some people call it a healthy thing in a relationship. I’m not too sure how I feel about that. I can and have seen jealousy as more of a detrimental quality than a healthy one in both relationships I’ve been in and relationships my friends have been in. But, I like to give everything the benefit of the doubt, so first let’s talk about the excuses OH…forgive me, I mean reasons why jealousy is a good thing in a relationship.

I’ve been told that “jealousy is a sign that the other person cares about you”. I’ve also heard that it’s healthy because it keeps your partner in check. I guess I can see how these things are true. If your partner is jealous when you decide to go out for a drink with friends of the opposite gender, I could see the jealousy being part of worrying about you, and usually when you worry, it’s because you care about someone. As for keeping your partner in check, I feel like that term of phrase is a little intense. If you’re going out for drinks with friends and your partner is jealous to the point where he/she tells you not to go, that’s a little more like controlling. And that, my friends, is a whole different story.

Honestly, I have never failed to see or be in a relationship where jealousy caused unnecessary arguments or even break-ups. To me, jealousy is a sign of insecurity. I have been on both sides of jealousy, being the jealous one and being the one dealing with a jealous boyfriend. I will admit, the times I have been jealous are times I have seen other girls approach a guy I was with. When I first start dating a guy, I know that it’s a new thing not only for us, but for people around us. The trust may not be entirely built, and the relationship obviously isn’t as strong as it becomes over time. In those early stages is when I have seen and felt the jealousy kick in.

Here’s a nifty little example of what I mean. In my last relationship (which was also long distance, previous post plug-ins for the win), my boyfriend would often become jealous when I went out with friends on the weekend. He would ask a dozen questions like, “Who are you with?”, “Where are you going?”, “How long will you be out for?”, and my personal favorite, “Will any guys be there?”. Not only would this piss me off more and more over time. it made me feel as if my boyfriend didn’t trust me and made me think, “Whoa, maybe I’m not a trustworthy person..”. Essentially, he was projecting his insecurities onto me and it was affecting the way I felt about myself and our relationship. As time went on and the trust was built and the relationship became stronger, the jealousy faded away and the questions became a thing of the past.

If you know you’re a jealous person, it’s okay. It’s normal and natural. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. However, when it starts to affect your relationship, the way you feel about yourself, and the way you make your partner feel, that is when you need to take a step back and bring yourself back down to earth. Remind yourself that your partner loves you and is with you for who you are, and that you’re with them for the same reason. Jealousy is natural, but an excess can be detrimental to yourself, your partner, and your relationship.